Is there such a thing as the "Holy Grail" of teaching?
I quickly replied a hearty "No." It was a balance of this and that... and a mixture of curriculum and community. Curriculum is always changing, so there's no way to pin it down. Kids are always different, so there's no perfect combination. The culture of the room swings with the times, so there's no one way to teach.
For the last two years, I've been reading - and re-reading - The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday. I've been taking notes this time around so I can whittle down the lessons to a couple a week and eventually one big lesson per month. And, of course, I've read other books about stoicism and mental health. (Those posts are here.) I continue to grow a bit, fall back a bit, grow a bit more, and fall back a bit less. I'm on a good path right now. I'm working on "sharpening the axe" - making sure my mental health tools are sharpened even on my good days, so the bad days won't impact me as much. Today, right now, I'm steady. I'm in the moment. I'm soaking up life.
Hubby and I reflect a ton on each day that passes. What went well, where we could've done better, what made us laugh or ponder... And this school year I've been able to remember a TON more about each day. I've had more to share when I get home. I believe it's due to me being more present in each moment. I'm trying to speak slower and even move slower, because I realize when I'm going faster is when I mess up, say something that I might regret later, put my foot in my mouth, or step over someone else's thoughts (or even toes). Slowing down has helped me stay in the moment. I'm observing more. This helps me remember more.
Reflecting once again last night, I had an "aha" moment. Maybe there IS a "Holy Grail" of teaching. Maybe it's simply this:
Be in the moment.
Simply BE.
Listen.
Give our attention to the moment, the people in it, and our surroundings.
As my goal is to slow down, I'm using more "wait time" in class. When I do so, when I stop my mouth from saying anything, when I stand or sit still and simply observe, it seems as if things get better. As if they go smoother.
When someone is blurting out or making odd noises while I try to instruct, I simply stop. I breathe. I look around. I wait. And the distraction ebbs.
When kids are working all around the room and I feel as if none of them listened to the instructions, I stop. I breathe. I look around. I find those who DID pay attention, and I ask them to help their peers. And more students are able to work.
When I don't know what to say to my friends at lunch after one of them shares something heartbreaking or something that angers me, I stop. I breathe. I look at them. I wait. And either something comes to me or it comes from another friend, and I don't say the wrong thing. I am able to keep giving my full attention. I remember more of what was shared, so I can follow up with it another day.
I'm having a good year. I may have more well-behaved students this year, but I will take some credit because I am often able to slow down and observe situations better than I have in the past.
Classes will never be perfect. There will be students who don't do their work. Students who distract themselves and/or others. Students who are absent often. Students who will never like the content. Students who struggle. Students who are bored because it's too easy. Students who don't like me - for whatever reason. These are all out of my control. I have a lot in my control - my thoughts and my actions. How I'm responding this year is making a big difference for my mental health. If I'm able to make the environment better for my own mental health, I'm thinking it's going to affect my students in a positive way, as well. I'm (quietly) excited to keep trying...
