Days 78 & 79 - The Kids Are Upset

Saturday & Sunday, May 30 & 31

First, let me just admit that time is of no use to me anymore. I have no clue what day or time it is, and only one thing per day keeps me grounded. I have to have one thing on my calendar each day. That's the only way I know where I am in time.

Second, our nation is in an uproar again. I am embarrassed to be in the category of "White people." I am a privileged spoiled suburban White woman who is not in debt. What am I doing about it? Well, I found a list of things I can do, and I'll sit down with Hubby and we'll figure out which one comes first.

I'll keep sharing via Twitter, even if I share "wrongly" and am berated for it. I will keep trying. This is a fairly new fight for me, and I don't know what I'm doing. Sadly, my White Fragility is real.

I'll continue finding books that my students should be reading, and I'll continue reading those books and adult books that help me see how deep this issue is.

My former students are sharing a TON on Instagram stories. Photos such as these, and many more. One that's hit me strong is the one of Colin Kaepernick kneeling. Remember how mad Trump as at that?? And people wonder why some are resorting to rioting. My weekday messages are going to revolve around how to be anti-racist. I know I'll make mistakes, but I know some of my words will steer some young people in the right direction.

 

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In the meantime, neighborhoods around here seem to think it's okay to come out now. It's okay to get together with friends for a walk or ride or picnic... I had a dream that Mom and I hugged. That will still do for now. I feel a need to be even MORE cautious now.

I wonder... does opening in stages include these two guys at the park?

The Dreaded Check Engine Light

Three and a half hours into our six-hour trip pulling the camper trailer to Cedar Point, we were laughing and sharing thoughts and ideas. Hubby and I are great travel companions.

"The check engine light just came on."

Silence.

Why is it, when the check engine light comes on, we gasp or become worried, when it's supposed to HELP us? Bob (Hubby) has a more positive outlook about it. He says the check engine light is a sign of something we're going to need to take care of.

My "check engine" lights are as follows:

• A headache is creeping down, and my neck has some nasty thick taut wires.
• I snap at something my husband says.
• I growl at something my students do (or don't do).
• Yawns are happening in the morning's shower.
• I'm dehydrated (checked by the level of my water bottle).
• I snack (a lot) after dinner.
• I cry. Sometimes for "no reason."

These signs show me I need to take better care of myself.
     My engine uses fuel to go.
     My check engine light shows me I'm low on fuel.
     My fuel is food, water, sleep, and peace in my mind.

When fuel is low... what do you do to fuel yourself?

The start of this school year had me teacher-tired to the max. Here's what I've done about it:

• Gotten outside whenever I could. This might only mean putting the top down on the convertible - everybody would benefit from having a convertible, in my opinion - or it may mean taking one class outside for a lesson, to read, or simply for a break. It could also mean getting out for a walk or a bike ride. Even 10-20 minutes fills me a bit. Since it's in the 30s here now, it means walking outside, or sometimes even simply sitting outside (as my body is telling me I must be going to hibernate soon...)
• Gone to bed earlier. I don't want this to be a habit, as I feel way past my 46 years when I head to sleep before nine... it worked for me in September. I'm now back to my 9pm bedtime.
• Eaten better. I loaded up on vegetables when I should, and got plenty of water throughout my day, even if it meant I'd head to the bathroom between classes. When there were treats in the school office, I took one, and then I didn't take another for home or for my lunch the next day.
• Stayed calm in school. When things weren't going well in class, I stopped. I breathed. I regrouped. I began again. I think the students caught my vibe, as well, and they, too, calmed down a bit. When the team of teachers was frustrated about something, I'd simply listen, and this kept my blood pressure steady.
• Talked. I've talked with my husband. I've talked with my teacher friends. I've gotten support from them, because they seem to know what I'm going through.

Now that we're in the middle of our second term already, I find I need to remember these tips, as that "teacher tired" may sneak up on me soon once again before it's time for our winter break. Hence the reason for me sharing them with you now.

What are your tips when you're low on energy? What am I missing?

Thanks for sharing in the comments below, so all readers can learn from you!

Fire Drill Frustration

It was time to exit. Didn't matter where you were or what you were doing, it was time to leave the building. The fire alarms were singing their song...

I went down a different exit this time. I'd never been out this side of the building during a fire drill. I followed the swell of students down the hall, down the stairs, and we got jammed up a little heading out the double doors. No shoving at all - the students were calm, quiet, and orderly. Suddenly a coworker was just to the front left of me, yelling "GET MOVING!" turning her head (and voice) - right - in - my - face.

I didn't hesitate. I yelled back, "WE ARE!" and kept moving forward.

I could feel the smoke coming out of my ears. I was furious. Furious with her yelling in the midst of the calm, with the message of her words (we were moving just fine - we're not supposed to run, correct?), with the irony of making sure kids are calm and quiet, and with myself.

I yelled back at a coworker. What is WRONG with me?! I hadn't been emotional lately. I hadn't been stressed out. I hadn't been under the gun when the alarm went off. I wasn't worried that it was a real fire. I was just... royally ticked off.

I tell my team that I may be in trouble (or at least get some flack) from this coworker. I relayed the story. I guess I was preparing them for if they heard otherwise. I went home. I processed with Hubby. I fell asleep. (I'm a very good sleeper!) I woke up. And I felt guilty.

I tweeted this out to my PLN:

I went to school, hoping I wouldn't see her, even though I hardly ever do. I forgot about it for most of the day. Then, I received an email from an educator (I've never met in person) from my online PLN. She sent me a sweet message that included this video from Brené Brown:


I teared up when I watched it (no, I have NOT been emotional lately!) at school, then shared it with  my husband at home. This is how I'm trying to live my life. I've got a HOST of "permission slips" in my pockets. I am uncool. And I am okay with it.

When that teacher wants to chat about it, I'll be able to chat calmly.

"Teachers have to do their job better."

This was the response I received from someone on Twitter.

I'm bothered, so let me back up.

I wanted to lend one high school student some support. Another person replied to this high school student who was tweeting with the hashtag #MyGradingStory.

This person said...

   

I wanted to support the other student, so I got involved. I'm not one for confrontation, yet I felt I could share without being a jerk about it.

I replied that the student was not the "only one who has a...

   

I thought this would lend some support, and also share some resources.

     

I couldn't let it go. So on my way into school, I replied...

     

The person replied very rudely, so I replied (one last time - Joy, when will you just let it go?!)

     

Snotty? My mom would think so. ☹️

Now that you have the background...

I believe teachers all around the world are trying to "do their job better." What's with the animosity over trying new ideas to help kids learn? When averaging points is out of the equation (standards-based grading, anyone?), educators can report a more accurate picture of how students are doing.

Once we know better, we're supposed to DO better, yes?

This morning I woke to another reply from this person...

     

And this just makes me have a gazillion more questions. Is this just the perception of this person? Is this true? What is the percentage of teachers who "don't care" about their students? How could it be "most" when it's their profession - why would they stay in this profession? Do non-educators think teachers are not trying their best?

We've just finished with one week with students. Teachers are making connections with them, are in the hallways saying hello to everyone who passes, stay late to chat with former students, and plan with peers to make lessons as relevant as possible for all students.

I wonder... how many of my own students think this? How can we change the tide if (since?) it's not true? At least this person kept the conversation going a bit. I didn't know how to respond to the last reply, so I left it. I didn't think any response would be helpful. I have a reply in my drafts... Any ideas as to how to make it better?

     

I DO know that there are a LOT of teachers (my heart wants to believe "most!") who want to do their job better and better each year. When I write like this, I know I need to switch my mindset to one of gratitude, so I can let the angst go by the wayside...

Thank you for all of you who read other educators' thoughts through this avenue we call "blogging." I am truly appreciative to those of you who keep the conversations going by sharing your thoughts, opinions, ideas, and questions. You help make me a better educator, and keep me motivated to do my best each day.

My "gradeless" resources so far: "FaR" tabs of our classroom Weebly

                                    Feedback Instead of Grades LiveBinder for parents to inspect
                                    My own reflections on this journey

Even Evangelists Ask for Help

Four days left of Winter Break... This is when the pressure hits. Did I do enough over break so going back to school feels alright? Did I do all I could in the house and for my health?

I cleaned today. Mostly so the behemoth of a desk I have could be repurposed - so I actually USED it.

I found this note...

I remember some time last year asking Mr. Stocco if I could quote him, otherwise I wouldn't have found this note. "Genius Hour is the only time I see them thinking." I know his students think the rest of the week, but there was some reason he said this at the time.

I held the paper, and I sighed. It made me happy that he has implemented Genius Hour in his 8th grade science classes. As far as I know, he's the one teacher in 8th grade that does this. Hey, that's half the 8th graders at our school! That's a win.

Then I felt another sigh coming. I was sad. No. Disappointed. No. Wistful, perhaps. We hosted a Cardboard Challenge this year, first quarter, for our Independent Inquiry project. However, we are not planning a project for this quarter, and we have not planned for Genius Hour yet.

My focus this year has been on learning over grades, feedback, and reflection. I haven't gotten it all figured out yet, and I know I never will. Genius Hour has taken a back seat. I haven't made it a priority, because I truly feel that we are actually further than where Genius Hour would take us... We are choosing what to read, and many times what to write. My students are focusing on the learning, and not just on what I deem important. And yet... I don't have that dedicated time for them to pursue their own projects.

What will I do to resolve this angst? I realized today that I need to talk to the ELA teachers on the other team and ask for their help. I think I remember them saying they were going to wait until second semester to incorporate Genius Hour. My ELA cohort and I haven't had the time to plan with them this year - we currently plan only two days ahead of what we need. I need to do what I don't like doing, but what I advise other teachers to do - ask for help.

My problem is this - as a "Genius Hour Evangelist" (zealous advocate), I feel that I should be the expert. Until I give myself the time to do so, I relinquish that role at my own school this year. Sure, I'll be "all in" when I present at ICE in March and when I host another workshop in Boston in July. I'll dedicate the time to do so. Right now, however, I need to take my own advice and ask for help. I am still a firm believer in the benefits of Genius Hour, and it rubs me wrong knowing we haven't started yet. I will go to the two very organized, forward-thinking women on the other team. I'm sure they'll be happy to oblige!

Choose to Be Bothered

At BLC15, Jennie Magiera forced me, once again, to think of my peers in my own "school box."

She shared the Moonshot Thinking video to get us inspired. I've seen this particular video at least three times already, but I hadn't really dug into the words her students picked out of the video -

This soaked in... Most people I'm connected to on Twitter would think about their community or think globally. Heck, one of Jennie's peers and her students were bothered by the media's view of their part of Chicago, and they created this video (which really needs to go viral) to bring more positive awareness to their community! Me - I'm still pretty sadly self-centered. My brain still thinks of my own school situation, which, by the way, is really a dream. I have three 80-minute classes, a huge classroom library, room to breathe and try new things, support from my administration, air conditioning once they turn it on, good families, nice kids, fine pay... I only have "First-World Problems," at best. My life is beautiful, with my soulmate, happy & healthy parents, a sister and her family I need to get to know again, two working vehicles, a mortgage payment I can handle...

LIFE IS GOOD.

I do not often think globally, and that is my downfall. I have, however helped out close to home, volunteering to pack food, and creating care packages for the homeless. I try and do good on a day-to-day basis, in my own little circle. My circle isn't wide, like some other stellar human beings. Most of the sessions at BLC had me thinking of my own classroom. I now see "Choose to be bothered," and I think of daily team meetings with teachers.

Teachers, overall, have very tough days, mixed in with very good ones. Home and work contribute to our attitude, of course. On those tough days, our words and tone can change in a negative way, reflecting our stress and frustration. Since reading Choice Words by Peter Johnston, I've been more aware of every word that comes out of my mouth, especially at school. I know this - it is not up to me to patrol other teachers. Everyone is struggling in his or her life somehow, and I am not going to be bossy or a nag and tell people that what they're saying is "wrong." It bothers me when I hear complaints about students, and yet I'm sure even their parents are frustrated with these same children at home at times. I am, by nature an optimist (thank you, Mom & Dad, for the name), and I am aware not everyone else is.

However, I'm going to CHOOSE to be bothered now. It's time. I was an itinerant teacher for seven years, and then reading specialist for the next seven, and I didn't know what teams actually did during "team time." I know now that they are focused on the students - who is struggling, what are we doing about it, and how can we improve? I've been on a team since 2009, and I've seen the dynamics of having one teacher from each discipline in the same room, talking about the same students. You know how it goes - we end up talking more about the children that need more of our help than the ones that are the "model students." I've seen how other teachers can be dragged down by one negative comment that spirals. This is not healthy. It's not healthy for the team to think of their students in a negative light. It's not healthy for me to bite my tongue and suppress my anguish at hearing these things. For two years in a row now, I've had one student (two different students) tell me, "Mrs. Kirr, you're the only teacher that likes me." Even the kids feel the negative vibe, which I feel needs to stop.

More plans for this next school year...

• Listen. Smile. Share the bright spots. Ask questions - "What was your favorite part of....?" "What did you get out of that last meeting?" "Where can we go from here?" "How can we make this better?" "What do we know about this child that can help us help him or her?" "How can we find out what truly motivates this child?"
• Ask, "What's best for this child?" Remind teachers that these children are most likely someone else's entire world.
• If there is one person in particular that is more negative than the others, I'm going to do what I have a very hard time doing. I'm going to be even nicer to that person. I'm not going to hide and pretend it isn't happening. I'm going to choose to be bothered, and try to connect in other ways so that I am better able to understand his or her frustrations. I'm going to try to communicate better, such as I alluded to three blog posts ago.

Sometimes I think not having my own children really has made me "adopt" these children that come into my life each year. Isn't that part of teaching, however? What are we doing this for? Why are we teaching? I find that, more and more, the children are teaching ME more than I'm teaching them. They ask questions all the time - I will try to do the same, especially during times when teachers are simply complaining, and not offering solutions. It's what all educators should strive to do... to make our schools better environments in which to learn.

Graphics created with Paper53 app.