Broken Light Fixtures Shine Brighter

I got out of the shower and noticed that the glass in one of our bathroom lights was broken. (I didn't get a photo, but it was jagged and tilted so we threw it out.) I was worried it had happened on its own in the middle of the night while we slept, so I was happy when Hubby said he knocked into it yesterday somehow, but he didn't notice it had broken.

So... we threw out the glass, knowing we'll either find a replacement or replace the entire fixture. No biggie. Just some time and effort. No one is hurt, and the room is a bit brighter.

I thought the light would be blinding without the frosted glass, but it's not. It's really nice, actually. I love a lot of light, and I'm glad we've got this while we search for a new one. I immediately thought... I've got an idea for the #SOL this week, as I've seen this before in my life. The broken light shines brighter...

Just this past week, when I gave my presentation about shifting away from stress, I shared how "broken" I was during pandemic teaching. How I cried every day during school and every night at home through all of September of 2020, and many days and nights following during that horrendous school year. And I shared that I am much stronger now. I feel that, when I'm able to give my full attention to the people I'm around each day like I've been practicing, my "light" is stronger now.

I've jumped on Instagram again recently, and an old Twitter friend from 2014 showed up in my replies. She's been absent from my life for at least eight years. She shared that she'd gotten married and then in 2021 her husband took his life by suicide. I started following her right away, and it looks like now she shares about mental health and strategies to overcome depression. She is no longer quiet and not sharing on Instagram - she's shining brighter. Her light is stronger for all to see.

Nobody's life is perfect. We all have our ups and downs / highs and lows. If we stop during the lows to evaluate what is happening and how we're reacting, we can learn from those challenging times. We can grow from them. A former student of mine, Jake Lavin, shared with our school (years later as he shared about his Happiness Project) an analogy about a grape... 

Imagine you're a grape, growing beautifully on the vine, reaching for the sun, ripening right on time, when someone plucks you and some friends off the vine. You get dropped on the ground. It's darker there, but you've still got some old friends with you - until you get stepped on. Now you're really in the dirt, and you look nothing like your old self. No one will want you now. Your life, as you know it, is over. You are pushed down further the more you get stepped on. Eventually, you're covered with dirt, fall leaves and debris, snow over that, and you're really in a dark, wet, nasty place. You never see the sun anymore. You never feel the wind or the rain. You're there for months, thinking life couldn't get any worse. When suddenly... you begin to sprout new life. You eventually become your own vine, reaching for the sky, emerging out of the dirt, up the trellis, and you grow even more grapes...

He did a much better job of explaining it! 

I'll try ending with a poem, as many #SOL writers have modeled doing so...

A misstep leads to a

Broken frosted pane we take down due to its sharp edges and 

Light beams blast from the 

Fixture upon the wall - no more sheltering of the light that now 

Shines farther than it did before... signaling 

Brighter days are ahead - for me and for those that can be reached by this light.

Interesting... I ended up writing that backwards...

When is a time you've been "broken" and have come back "brighter"?

Head over to Two Writing Teachers for more slice of life stories.

Still Shifting

I haven't presented at an educational conference since 2019. In 2017, I was at the height of my presenting - and I was the spotlight speaker at the conference I'm heading to tomorrow!

So why haven't I presented? It's because I taught 7th graders during the height of the pandemic - many many many teachers (including myself - in bits) were giving tips on "self care" and how to connect with students... and I was still crying every day. Many others - who were NOT teaching classes during the pandemic - had even more to say to "help" educators. I was so utterly frustrated with others trying to tell me what to do. COVID had me contemplating more... and talking and sharing less.

However...

One visitor asked us in an in-school PD session... 

   "What are you doing for yourself DURING the school day?"

I have read many books, tried many ideas, and now I'm ready to share what I do during the school day to alleviate the myriad stressors that are bound to come our way.

Tomorrow! "Shifting Away from Stress"

Renaissance Hotel in Schaumburg, IL in room "Nirvana C" at 9:30am, Tuesday, February 20, 2024.

It's not about getting outside, following your passion(s), getting exercise, eating healthy, drinking more water (and less alcohol)! Those are all things we could be doing outside of the work day. 

What about when you're teaching a class? What about when you're in a meeting with other staff? What about when you need to answer what could become a heated email exchange? I'm ready to share ideas tomorrow. My slideshow is tidbits from books I've read. I hope when I share, the slides all come together nicely. 

My overall message: 

     Be cognizant of what you give your attention to.

         Make an effort to be more in the present moment.

One thing I've done outside of school hours that has helped me become less stressed - I've been basically kicked off Twitter. I can still access it on my phone, but I hate using it that way. I used to access it only via my laptop, and that access is gone. (My explanation is here.) Since I really can't advertise this session much, we'll see who shows! No matter - I'm excited to once again share something I believe can help educators. I love feeling the passion for this session that I used to feel for Genius Hour and Standards Based Grading. I appreciate how life has provided so many opportunities for sharing my passions at different times in my teaching career. I look forward to seeing and learning more from my peeps tomorrow!

Expectations

The first week of school - prep, meetings, set up, and kids coming in - is a TON of work. I tried not to work at home this past week, so I stayed a teeny bit later at work. Of course, I get there an hour or more early, but I love being at work in the mornings -- there's so much promise, and I feel invigorated and ready to work.

This past week was not a lot different from previous years... there were some scheduling glitches that we've never seen before, but even if they don't get worked out, the kids will survive. There were new students who don't speak English, there were new-to-our-school students that weren't on the "new student" list, and I have a student who was missing for the first two days who was suddenly off my homeroom list. Communication hasn't been the best since COVID, but we make do with what happens.

What's different at the start of this year is the expectations I put on myself and how I respond to them. 

The less I talk, the more I learn - about myself and about others. I learned a bit about myself this week. In my teacher role, I expect a LOT from myself. These expectations are ones I put on myself - they're not anyone else's doing. I've only got myself to blame for how busy I may be. When I did what my administration expected of me, it truly wasn't a lot. I had to find some documents that were in various places (pre-COVID everything was provided in a folder for us - but again, so many changes happened, and we were always updating them anyway), I had to ask about a couple of things, but what the administration expected of me was pretty minimal. It was all the things that I expected of myself that were myriad. Truly, they are countless. 

Here are a handful of instances that made me pause this past week...

• I expect myself to shake everyone's hand as they enter, and ask them their name. It always caused congestion and confusion. This year, I simply said "good morning" or "hello" or "welcome," and started learning their names once class had begun. 
• I expect to have all my students' names memorized the third day (or so). This week, I gave myself until this first full week is finished. (Today - Thursday, Day 6 - I got them all right!)
• I expect to have all my decorations up and all my supplies out. This year, I just did one bulletin board (that we'll add to as the year goes on) and I only took out the supplies we'd need the first day.
• I expect to share all procedures the first few days. This year, I'm sharing them as they're needed. Students don't need to know them all yet.
• I expect to send an email home to parents every month, and even though that's still my expectation (it used to be every week pre-COVID 😳), I'm not going to tell them it's going to be monthly, just in case I don't make time for it.

I did ADD an expectation. In my Google calendar, I have after-school meetings in red ("tomato" as Google calls it). Red to me means "Oooh. This is important." This year, I also put our days OFF in red. Those are just as important. Now the color red won't just mean MORE work.

I know I'll run into more work that I have actually given myself, and I look forward to reflecting and noticing whether this work needs to be completed right now, or if I don't get around to it, if it needs to be done at all.

Here's the bulletin board I'm excited about this year...

I'm going to have the kids vote on the lessons that work best for them and then highlight the ones that "wins" with a different shape behind it (courtesy of a friend at work).

From "I'm done" to "I'm back."

This photo is from January 20th. Hubby and I went for a walk. I remember thinking that the photo represented where I was in school / lessons at that time - wandering, wondering which way to go and what to do next.

In the next ten days, I'd only gotten outside to walk TWICE. That week and last week is a blur now.

I was feeling lost, stressed, tired, hurt, flustered, incompetent, and even sad.

Many many tiny things were affecting me in ways they hadn't previously. There wasn't one thing I could pin it on. There wasn't one thing in my own life that was "off." There were only regular stressors that affected me way more than they had in the past. I was snippy, I was ready to cry at certain points, I was frustrated at tiny things, and I even let computer issues get to me. I overheard something about something a student said to a teacher, and I thought, "If students start talking like that to me, I'm out. I'll need to retire early. I just can't do this."

Each night at home I would sit and chat with Hubby, then have a drink and read. I read a ton. I need to stress that there were no big problems coming my way. Things were getting done. Other teachers at work have pretty large stressors right now in their lives. Me? Nope. By the end of the week however, the headache that started grew into a muscle strain in my shoulder, and I wasn't sleeping well. I was thinking of skipping the trip up to EdCamp Madison. I think I even stressed that couldn't pinpoint the real reason(s) WHY I was stressed.

I had a doctor's appointment Friday morning - a follow-up from a previous appointment earlier in the week. Sitting in the office waiting, I read an old National Geographic Travelers magazine from March of 2010. I read an article about biking in Holland, and really appreciated the author's humor and the pictures he drew for me in my mind. I was going to continue flipping through the magazine when I thought to just -- stop.

I put the magazine away.
I sat in the chair and breathed in, then out.
I decided to stretch.
Arms up, reach to the sky, feel the muscles pull and stretch...
Arms to the side, looking left and right, up and down...
(Five other women in chairs, reading or on their phones, sneaking glances at me...)
Arms behind me, reaching up slowly, holding the top of the chair...
Head up, down, left, right...

I was called in. When the appointment was over with news to just continue with my "regular plan," I felt relieved. I called Mom. I called Hubby. I drove to school.

I was early. I could catch up on school work, but I'd already told myself I could do that when the Superbowl was on.

So I decided to do something for myself. I
 chatted with a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile. In the hallway. Through a passing period.

Then I got on my coat and gloves and went outside. For a walk. By myself.
Breathing, looking this way and that, and thinking (aloud sometimes) about everything I'm grateful for in life. Every few steps, I'd name something else. I was full of gratitude. I was smiling.

For half an hour.

I swear, that walk was like my "RESET" button. I thought back. I hadn't been on a walk outside in days. I was reminded of my big take-away from The Zen Teacher book - I needed to get outside every day. Getting outside is what I need to do for myself. I need to breathe, walk, and simply notice.

I came back, said hello (and goodbye) to the guest teacher (substitute), and started teaching the next period.

I felt good. I felt right.

During lunch, I heard that the guest teacher had yelled at my class. It made me feel odd - sad she had to yell, and proud of being able to handle a tough class without yelling. Later in the day, I was more relaxed when I met a friend to plan for Monday. I was on the mend.

I went home, Hubby and I discussed not going to Madison, but he insisted I needed to go. I had been looking forward to seeing and learning with my edcamp buddies, no doubt.

And that's what I did. The drive up Saturday was fast, we shared ideas and stories, I had a nice-sized group for writing letters of gratitude, we were fed, we discussed books, my headache disappeared, I took some time to do school work, I picked up a book for professional development at the raffle, and four of us headed out afterwards for more chatting. More time for me to breathe and simply notice.

Today I woke up refreshed. I drove us home, we went grocery shopping, and life is resuming. We went for a walk in this spring-like sunshine. I feel recharged and ready to tackle school once again. I feel healthy, competent, rested, invigorated, and happy.

What do you need as your RESET button?
What are you missing right now in your life?
What is your next step so you can feel better than you feel right now?

Not the Perfect Start

Well, it was not the perfect start to the school year I was hoping for…

Last week was our first week of the 2019-2020 school year. The first three days were with teachers, figuring out our rooms, and figuring out which students needed which accommodations, which had allergies, birthday planning, etc.

The very first day that students came, Thursday, was hectic to say the least. I went through that day with sore shoulders and neck and the start of a headache. Some classes on Thursday were 15 min. long, and a few were 90 minutes long, depending on which classes we had. It was a go-go-go day. Waking up Friday morning, I believe I was as tired as I have ever been. I’ve never felt “teacher tired“ like that before. Before I even ate my breakfast, I threw up (I couldn't find a way to put this nicer). I figured it must be the start of a migraine, and it had been my plan to not have a migraine this entire year ahead.

The students I have this year seem to be happy to be there and ready to learn (for the most part). I was supposed to be happy and ready to teach. I had read myriad articles, listen to myriad podcasts, read inspirational quotes, and was ready to be well this year. Teacher wellness has been on my mind since the ‘17-’18 school year when I had five migraines to contend with. During the ‘18-’19 school year it was down to three. This past Friday, I was not happy to teach. I was hurting, exhausted, and was skeptical of how this school year was going to go.

What had happened to my plans for being well? Here’s what I’ve been doing:

• Vitamin B-complex (supposed to help prevent migraines)
• DanActive once a day (this kept me healthy when my mom was going through chemo)
• Water every day
• Eat relatively healthy
• Walking outside whenever I can
• Getting outside every day (my relaxation)
• Learn / practice something new for 30 min/day (the banjo)
• Read & Write
• Plenty of sleep (to bed at 9pm)

What was good about the first two days was the students, and my attitude in front of the students. I was calm. I was patient. I was enjoying their ideas, suggestions, and comments. I feel as if this will be my best year yet (as the last few have been)! I am doing more upfront in regards to sharing WHY we’re doing certain things in the classroom, and I’m less reactive to things said or done. I’m listening more, and things are going smoothly.

Another good note - some teachers were chatting about asking administration to change the first day schedule, as well - that should help exhaustion levels of both teachers and students next year. 

I pushed myself this summer. I thoroughly enjoyed each day, yet I didn’t stop to relax as much as I normally would during the summer. I often do “too much” or “too many things at one time,” and this summer was no exception. It’s time I slowed down my HOMEwork, so I can handle the schoolwork.

My plan moving into week two is very similar to my summer plans:

• Vitamin B-complex
• DanActive once a day
• Water every day
• Eat relatively healthy
• Walking outside whenever I can
• Getting outside every day
• Practice the banjo for 15 min/day
• Read (& Write if time)
• Only look at social media in the mornings on weekdays
• Plenty of sleep (to bed at 9pm or before)

I was fortunate to get outside THREE times on the first day of school (with homeroom and my second and third classes), and then again for lunch and my last class on Friday. I’m excited to keep this up, as I believe it’s healthy for us - for our bodies, souls, and the culture of a class. 

As I reflected today by writing, I notice my teacher wellness took a nose dive Friday. I guess that’s what happens when your body has taken a toll. I’m all better today, and I’m relaxing for the week ahead. I’ve gotten outside with the top down on the convertible to go for a walk at the arboretum with Hubby (see the photos below), had my water, finished my banjo practice (20 min outside), and am going to read a bit. I only spent 30 min on schoolwork yesterday, and will only spend 30 min on it again today - just not right now. This writing has helped me see that I simply had a set back in my health. I’ll probably catch a bad cold or get sick at some point this school year, as well, and that’s to be expected, no matter how much DanActive I have. ;) 

--> I’m going to remember the advice of Dan Tricarico in The Zen Teacher: 

Do something for YOURSELF every day. (For me, this means getting outside.)

--> I’m going to remember the science Lisa Bush shared in Teaching Well:

We cannot run on fumes. It’s unhealthy for our body and our mind.

When we’ve got the MOST WORK to do, that’s when we need to take

time (30-60 min.) for ourselves.

--> I’m going to remember David Irvine’s quote in Lisa’s book (above):

“Self-care is more than a luxury. Self-care is a responsibility.”

--> I’m going to remember what Matt Miller keeps sharing -

MED - The Minimum Effective Dose:

When you’re a teacher, the work never ends.

I don’t need to make everything perfect.

I only need to make it work well for me and our students.

 

What are YOU doing this school year to stay happy and healthy?

Resistance - Revisited

I was on my way to visit a group of local teachers who'd gotten together to for a Shift This book study. I had been asked to share stories of the resistance I've come across from our community.

I hadn't prepared anything, and didn't think it was necessary. If someone asks me to do a video chat with their group who read the book, I gladly agree if we can make a time work. No cost - it benefits me just as much as it does them, as I always hear something new or am asked a new question that helps me think and reflect once again. This time I wanted to show up in person since they were from the high school district that my own students will attend when they get to ninth grade. It's so much easier to feel the vibe in the room in person than through a computer screen.

I was driving the ten minutes or so and wondering... what is it about resistance that makes the shifts I've made so difficult? Why is it so hard for me to deal with resistance? Why does any sort of resistance break me down a bit (and often even make me cry)? Am I that unsure of myself and what I'm trying in the classroom?

Thinking back to the huge shifts I'd made (namely genius hour and going gradeless), I realized something that will help me the next time I encounter resistance. I would not be making these (difficult!) shifts without huge reasons for doing so. I made these shifts because I want my students to learn more of the curriculum. I made these shifts because I want to help make the curriculum stick. I made these shifts because I want my students to be lifelong learners. How can that be wrong? If parents or other teachers have a problem with that, I simply need to go back and share my "WHY."

I told this to the group at the high school, and also told them that if it does NOT work for a child, I'm free to backpedal. I'm free to discuss with them what's going on and make a decision with them as to what to do next. I truly want what's best for students, and I'm doing what I can in the limited time I have.

It's been a quiet year this year when it comes to resistance (knock on wood). Maybe it's because I communicate with parents every two weeks and also send good notes home. Maybe it's because I've been "gradeless" for a few years now, and parents have talked about it and figured it won't kill their children. Maybe... just maybe... it's because they, too, think it's a good idea and will help their child focus more on the curriculum and less on a letter or number.

It's time I shift my own thoughts about resistance. It's time I looked at resistance as simply another chance to chat about what we (together) believe is right and good for the children in front of us.

Let me know when you have a Shift This book study and want a virtual (or real) visit! I'd be glad to answer any questions and share any resources I can.

I Have Confidence...

Well... not as much as I could.
In fact... I've learned to "fake it 'till I make it" when it comes to confidence.

When I was becoming an adult, before every interview, I'd blast Julie Andrews in the vehicle - "I Have Confidence." You know the one...

It continued with, "What will my future be... I wonder..."

I used this song to remind myself that I may, in fact, not get this particular job, but then it may not be right for me. I was going to go in, however, with the confidence that I SHOULD have this job! And, really, the only job I was not offered after singing this song was the job at Payless Shoe Source. 😉

"I've always longed for adventure - to do the things I've never dared..."

And I'm doing the "things I've never dared" - I've been able to jump into Genius Hour, I'm currently going through the year without marks/points during each term (until the end when students and I come up with one letter for the parent report), and my colleagues and I are trusted to determine the curriculum (for now). I have a dream job - three 80-minute ELA classes of seventh graders.

"Captain with seven children. What's so fearsome about that?"

This song is also blasting in my vehicle the first day of school. Believe it or not, I get nervous about meeting children! After the first day, the nerves disappear.

I've realized, lately, that my nerves and my lack of confidence arise every October. When the grade is posted for my class, and I dread parent responses. (Oh, how I look forward to the day we have standards-based grading throughout the school!)

You see, even though I make it a point to send two-week updates and good notes home to parents, often the only time I receive emails from parents is when there is a problem.

Grades are personal. Sometimes parents care / worry / stress about their child's grade more than their child. And they let you know it.

Last October, I had a parent who hadn't read anything I'd sent home regarding how we were doing grades. I received the first email on a Friday after school. I finally felt mentally healthy enough to write in response to it this past January. My stress had manifested itself into a migraine, and they've come and gone since then. I had one this past week, in anticipation of backlash of what I've been practicing in class during parent/teacher conferences. This should NOT be the case. These conferences are for teachers and parents to discuss how each student is doing so far. Yet I get worried. Because I'm doing things differently from the other teachers. Even if I believe it is right and good for my students, I worry worry worry. The attack I received via email last year hit me hard. Since I don't want to give that parent any (more) power over me, I have got to learn to let the worry go.

"I must dream of the things I am seeking... 

I am seeking the courage I lack.

The courage to serve them with reliance. 

Face my mistakes without defiance. 

Show them I'm worthy, and while I show them, I'll show me. 

Soooo... Let them bring on all their problems.

I'll do better than my best.

I have confidence they'll put me to the test, but

I'll make them see I have confidence in me.

Somehow I will impress them. 

I will be firm, but kind."

I used to think this part of the lyrics were about the children (and they are, really). This year, however, I see them as referring to the parents when we meet - IF any issues arise.

What I've tried in the '17-'18 school year:

• I don't check email after 4pm or on the weekends.
• I take time to stop. And breathe. I had an app for a bit, but now I just need to remind myself to sit and focus on my breathing.
• I go for walks.
• I sing at the top of my lungs.
• I dance around the house.
• I get eight hours of sleep each night.
• I focus on all I have in this life.

What I'll try during this '18-'19 school year:

• All the things from the list above.
• Stretch every day.
• Repeat a mantra of some sort when I start to feel the stress.

I've got to remember...

"All I trust I give my heart to.

All I trust becomes my own."

I am so very passionate about teaching! So why do I dread a parent attack? Supposedly "no teacher goes unscathed," and I understand that parents SHOULD have a vested interest in their child's education. I have even received emails or hand-written notes in the past from parents and students that have melted my heart. I need to stop hiding them, and instead, bring them out and read them when I start to feel the stress in my neck that reaches around my head, makes me want to throw up and go back to bed. When this continues into a day or two literally full of physical pain, I need to stop and DO something about it. I do NOT have to have this stress build like this. I'm tired of this. I don't want it to become something that IS. I need it to be over and done. I need to have more confidence in myself. 

I need to make my mantra.

• I do what I do for the children.
• I am very passionate about my profession.
• I give my students 103% every school day.
• I make sure parents are kept up-to-date on all we're doing in class.
• I've written a book on reasons WHY I've shifted my teaching.
• I am a professional with 23 years of experience.
• I have the support of my administration.
• I read professional articles, books, and teacher blogs to help me learn and decide what's right and good for my current students.
• I have been a pioneer at my school, helping other teachers try new things when it's right and good for their own students.
• I will remember those parents who have thanked me profusely for teaching their children.

And IF. IF parents do get upset (which history shows they just might)... if it's my fault, I'll learn from my mistake. Big time. If it's not my fault, I'll have to wonder what's going on in their lives that they feel they need to attack. And then... I'll have to let it go (quicker than I've done in the past). After all, I'm not a surgeon. I don't watch to be sure a boiler doesn't explode. I'm not in charge of any part of the military. Lives are not at stake. I'm still doing all I can for the children in my charge.