Saturday had me bawling for a bit after watching this sweet video of people at ball games giving up their baseballs for little kids. I then cried in the shower. It's been a week since the news came for us that we were closing school. I only had a few tears that next day grocery shopping. I guess it was time for them to get out. The anxiety and uncertainty and sorrow for others comes in waves, for sure.
I was wondering what my routine will be once "spring break" is over. Hah! I decided to create a chart of what's still the same, and where I've noticed I'm doing things differently.
As for the obsessive-compulsive tendencies, I'm back into numbers. I used to jot down all sorts of numbers for keeping track of my exercise. I had years worth of running/biking/skiing journals when my priority (with ex-husband) was exercise. Granted, I met my current and last husband on a week-long bicycle trip, but when we decided we were going to be together, the watch came off my wrist - literally. I now walk without looking at the clock or the speed or the distance or the temperature (all numbers I'd have written down in my journal). My priority is getting out to do something.
Lately, I've been jotting down the numbers I shared two days ago from the Johns Hopkins site, yet I've limited myself to only once a day. I also count cars. Yup. I set my alarm for 6pm, and stand on our back deck to count the cars on the big road our backyard backs up to. For five minutes. Yup. I set a timer. I've been keeping those numbers, as well.
I've been counting toilet paper sheets, taking note of how many paper towel rolls and tissue boxes we still have, counting as I wash my hands (which I really don't have to do as often anymore!), as I brush my teeth, as I try a move shared on TikTok (a new thing I figured I'd try today)...
It's not getting out of hand. It's not hindering my life. I'm considering it a coping mechanism for how to deal with this new "routine," if you can call it that. I know I do not have a disorder, by any means. I can see how those who are suffering from any type of anxiety could be suffering even more during this time of isolation.
Once again, this writing/documenting has helped me see how blessed I truly am. Do you need someone to talk with? I'm here. Leave me a comment or find me on Twitter, and I'll be there to listen.
You are a peach. I'm getting to know you so much better as I read these posts. Thank you for offering yourself at this time.
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