I replied quickly. "Yes." And then I didn't know how to follow up. I think I said something along the lines of "there are always a few kids that really make your day difficult. But then you get a 'thank you' letter from another student and you think, I can stay a bit longer."
I don't know why he asked me. Is it because he hasn't seen a tweet from my account since December? Is it because now I present on "Shifting Away from Stress"? It is because my TikToks are about the tough parts of teaching? The question sat with me when I was falling asleep, and it was still there in the morning.
Was I honest with my answer? Yes. There are myriad reasons for me to (still) like teaching.
- What REALLY makes me still enjoy teaching is thank you letters from students who I didn't get much feedback from during the school year. The quiet students I couldn't read. The ones I didn't have a strong connection with. The children I thought didn't care much for me or the class. To get those letters reaffirms that much of what I'm doing is good. Right. Just. Through all the chaos that happens around them, these students have shared that I'm calm, always smiling, and that I provide a welcoming environment. Of course, these letters are in my scrapbook, and sometimes I take a photo of one to keep near me on difficult days. This one may be hard to read, but it's the most recent that I keep by my desk:
- I'm SLOWLY learning that I do not have control over students' actions or words, yet I DO have control of my own. And when students are disrespectful to me or to other students, I can stay calm. I can provide consequences. I can continue the rest of the period ignoring the disrespect while I make connections with students who are respectful that day. I now even share with students that they make their own decisions, and I am not to blame for what they do or say. I can only provide a role model for how to react - or not react. Each year, I improve my own demeanor, and I go home knowing that bad behavior by a student was not my fault.
- I've been practicing how to take care of myself. I eat healthy, with some chocolate thrown in. I exercise each day. I make time for myself each night - reading and then making slow circles with my head, stretching my neck (where most of my stress lies). Part of taking care of myself is making decisions in class that I would normally leave up to students. It's just this year that I've realized that when I do "take a vote," it's the loud(er), more often disrespectful students who run the show. I'm done with that. I've been making decisions that benefit me, and in turn they probably benefit the respectful students.
- I keep in mind that the children I teach are children. Adolescence is probably the toughest age. It's the age where they're figuring out who they want to be, how they want to act, and what boundaries they want to test. They take a lot of risks, and they worry so much about what others think of them. They want to be liked - some act out to be liked, and some simply hide so no one notices them. What an age. I, myself, hated being 12 and 13. I hope I'm helping some have a pleasant 80 minutes. And if not pleasant, I hope they find I'm a safe person to share troubles or anxieties with.
- The laughter keeps me smiling at work. What other job has so many funny (and sometimes) crazy stories? Even when a student is being immature or receives a consequence for a bad choice, many times I smile when I get home. I know they're testing me and themselves, and I hope they're learning valuable lessons.
- As an ELA teacher, I LOVE sharing great books. Many have lost the love of reading at this age. I love it when just ONE student picks up a book I've shared. And when he or she likes it, too, I glow. I feel I've sparked a love of reading once again. I also love sharing that I've written - and published - two books. The questions they ask when they find out are so fun for me to answer. I love sharing that a total stranger picked my book apart... that I had to read it FIVE times before all the editing was done, and that feedback is so valuable for our writing. When students get my video feedback, I love when they decide to revisit what they've written and revise using my suggestions. They often thank me for taking the time to make the video of me reading their writing. And... when they get a choice in writing and fly with it... I love seeing budding authors excitedly at work and proud of their work.
So... yeah. I enjoy teaching. I will never master it, as students and situations change yearly (daily!), but sometimes the challenge makes me enjoy it, too. I feel as if not many people can do what I do. Sometimes I feel beat down, but I've come back each time now, and I'm stronger than ever. Sure, someone will replace me some day, but right now I'm getting experience that not many other professions can claim to have. It's certainly not for everybody, but I'm making the most of it.
