Mindfulness Work

Two More Books to Share...

If you know me at all, you know I'm reading for my mental health (self-help books and adult fiction and memoirs) as well as for my seventh graders (YA/MG books and nonfiction how-to books). Two books I just finished...

My notes for each --> Fully Present: The Science, Art, and Practice of Mindfulness

Awakened: Change Your Mindset to Transform Your Teaching

They helped me get through the last two weeks of April and this first week of May. My #OneWord for 2022 is "present," and Fully Present was an audiobook I received free for educators through Libro.fm. I learned through these two books to not judge myself when it comes to slipping up during mindfulness, so I forgave myself for listening to it while doing the dishes... ;) I did stop to take notes when I found a gem I wanted to keep. From this one, I was reminded of the myriad benefits of doing NOTHING for a few minutes each day. This means stopping to focus on my breathing, so I can be more in the moment, and less in the past or worrying about the future.

As for Awakened,* I re-read sections of this. I read the first 50 pages in on sitting, then thought of it during school/work the next day. When I got home, I read them again. This is not something I usually do. The next night, I read them again and then summarized them in my own words. I decided my notes for this one would be summaries first, and then I'd fill it in with specific quotes I wanted to look back on later. Because I'm so invested in making my mind healthier, I have all of my self-help / optimism / mindfulness / joy book notes printed out and put into a binder. Those I actually read again every so often when I need a boost / reminder. I love seeing repeated ideas throughout the binder. One other book that won't be in the binder that I've been reading daily is The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman. It's got a lot of the same ideas about how to be mindful, controlling your own thoughts, and not letting influences (from all over) change who you want to be. 

These two books have solidified a few things for me.

1. It is up to ME how I feel. My thoughts control my feelings. I can take control of my thoughts.
2. Worries, anxieties, fears ... they're all FUTURE based. When I focus on the present, they go away.
3. When I ruminate about the past, I make those thoughts worse and more concrete, making them harder to go away. I need to remind myself that the other person involved is most likely NOT thinking of those moments now and it's only hurting me. It could even be hurting my physical health.
4. Stop and think of each current thought. Does it do you any good? If not, let it go or replace it. Just because it's a thought, doesn't mean it's true, and it doesn't mean it's important right now. Plant the seeds of positive thoughts - you'll reap later what you sow now.
5. It's going to take a lot of time and practice to change your thinking. All our life we're inundated by images and words that influence us. It's time for me to start taking control of what I want influencing me.

I loved being immersed in the language around mindfulness and controlling my own thoughts. Hearing it from one book, reading it in the other, then following up with a quick meditation that helped me to breathe evenly and put me to sleep each night (the Calm app) really helped some of these ideas stick.

Calm App...

    This tool may still be free to educators, I hope. I'm on a streak right now of about two weeks. I've been hearing the same ideas from the two books in the app (words such as "catastrophize" and ideas such as reframing my thoughts). Just last night, after I'd taken some notes about how our thoughts are seeds, I get this one to listen to before bed:

Online Resources...

    UCLA's MARC Site

        It includes a link to their app: UCLA Mindful

     Changing Thoughts with an AI Assistant

        The questions / process:

1. What negative thought are you struggling with right now? (You can choose or type an answer.)
2. What's a recent situation that led to this negative thought?
3. Select the thinking trap. (I really like this one - it shows possible thinking traps, such as "fortune telling," "overgeneralizing," "negative feeling or emotion," and "all-or-nothing thinking," and these change based on what you've put in for your answer. It suggests what it thinks you're doing. The AI here seems to be spot on - at least the two times I tried it.)
4. Reframe your thinking. (First it tells you - based on what you chose as the thinking trap - a tip for how to overcome that thinking trap. Then it gives you space to type in your own reframing thoughts, and it also gives you three options it came up with. You can even click "Show more reframes" !!) Once you choose or write one, it asks you to see if you can make it more positive, realistic, or helpful. I changed one word of mine - "can" to "will" - you can see my final reframe in the photo below.)
5. Evaluate the activity. (You do not need to do this. It's part reflection, part info for the AI, I'll bet. There is another section after that which is an optional survey.)
1. I filled out the survey and was rewarded with a summary (which I didn't know I was going to get - this is much better than the screenshots I took)! Too bad you have to fill out the survey to get it, but maybe you can just click "next" without filling it out...

     Overcoming Negative Thoughts

        The questions they use on this site are simple - so much so that you don't need the site:

1. What negative thought are you struggling with?
2. Where does this negative thought come from?
3. If your friend was dealing with the same negative thought, what would you say to help them feel more hopeful? (I love this question!)
4. What do you need to say or do so you can truly believe the more hopeful thought?

Conclusion

Of course, I've read many more books on optimism and joy and how to be happy during the fall and winter of the 2020-2021 school year. My post from June of 2021 about those books is here. What makes these different? The lessons are finally STICKING. I was in class the other day saying in my head, "Dismiss. Distract..." and then I focused on something else instead of that worrying/annoying/not helpful thought. Maybe they're sticking because I've read so many with the same ideas. I'll take it. And I'll probably keep reading more. What I want to do first, however, is to practice meditating for 5-10 min a day without falling asleep to it... Taking 5-10 min out of my day to let negative thoughts appear and then dismiss them can only be beneficial.

I will keep learning and practicing. With time and effort, I can learn to recognize and manage negative thoughts.

*One thing I have to add about Awakened... Page 1 starts on the left side of the book. This was at first a source of aggravation for me. By the time I finished the book, my mindset had shifted. I now wonder what other books start that way?

Disconnected

I had this book in my Libro.fm account, and it was short, so I decided to listen to it while I did the dishes while Hubby is recovering from knee replacement surgery. We usually do the dishes together, and I wanted the distraction.

I've been having a love-hate relationship with social media and games on my phone. I spend a LOT of time on my phone. I thought this book might help me not be attached to it as much.

Here are some things I'd like to remember from this book...

She posed this question: "What part of your online life do you enjoy or do by choice (ex: curating boards for inspiration on Pinterest)?"

          I enjoy connecting with teachers on Twitter. I haven't been doing this as much as I used to, and this may be because I've set a limit for myself on Twitter, and I've done a good job of sticking to it. I'm only on Twitter in the morning for a half hour before work, and on weekend mornings. On Instagram, I enjoy seeing posts from former students and encouraging them in their college and job endeavors. TikTok makes me laugh, and when I create on it, I feel the students who follow me will benefit from the humor and book talks. I only use Snapchat when I want to play with filters and get Hubby and I laughing until our guts hurt. This happens about once a year. I don't post or follow anyone on Snapchat. I play games (daily challenge - Killer Sudoku, Blockudoku, Fishdom, Nonogram, Nonogram Color, and Elevate) to stimulate my brain. I practice Duolingo to hopefully some day be able to have an actual conversation with a student in Spanish (and later in Polish).

And she followed up with this one: "And what things do you do only because you feel you should (ex: being on Twitter for professional purposes)?"

          I do feel like I need to post a bit every day on Twitter. That's where I (used to) market my book(s), share the good about GeniusHour, share that and my Antiracist LiveBinder, amplify other people's great ideas, and I feel like my followers expect me to be real and to share what I believe is important. I've been quieter on it lately because, like Mom said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," and since teaching in a pandemic, it's been harder for me to find positive and valuable things in education to share.

"We get to say no. We get to change our habits."

          This quote/idea has helped me stop playing so many games on my phone. My favorites for zoning out: Nonogram, and Nonogram Color. I have time limits on these, and at 8:00, all tech is off my phone (except books and Duolingo). Knowing that when I zone out on them I often think of problems at school, I now recognize these thoughts earlier, and I click the "ignore" button a bit quicker.

...insert app name here.

Every time I put my earbud in my ear to listen to this book, I hear, "Connected," which means my phone is connected to the earbud. To me, it meant "Joy can't just do one thing - she's got to listen to a book while she does the dishes, even." That fact bothered me, but I didn't do anything about it, because I thought it was a good use of my time... Another thing that happened was that while I was "reading" (and doing the dishes), texts from a friend came through. I tried to not look at them until I was done doing the dishes at least... 

The author likes Seth Godin, and she quoted him many times throughout.

It's good to amplify others' great ideas - while giving credit, of course. 

It's good to connect with others in smaller communities. It's even better if we try doing this OFFline.

Everyone - and everything - is an influence(r).

"I want my online life to influence my offline life for the better."

---------------------

Yes. Yes. Yes. I want my online life to influence my offline life for the better. So much of what I see on Twitter affects me in a negative way lately. The news, what's "trending" (I STILL haven't quite learned to NOT click on those items!), the replies to tweets (anonymity brings out the worst in people, I've decided), and those teachers who aren't teaching anymore telling me what I "should" and "should not" do (consider suggesting things, eh?). I find myself feeling upset and thinking judging thoughts, and I don't like that part of me. I need to find a way to use Twitter to my advantage again. This has me unfollowing those that don't affect me in a positive way, and taking some people off of my Twitter lists that I use on Tweetdeck. I'm making what I see more positive and a more hopeful start to my mornings. I have that control, and that feels like a positive step.

Since being reminded that everyone and everything is an influence on people, I've tried to look at things differently. In the grocery store, when I want to buy something I see (if it's not on the list), I consider what it's actually called - an "impulse buy." I've found myself shaking my head and passing by. When I'm in line and see more things I want to buy, I consider why they put those items there. I don't want to be controlled in this manner, so that little bit has helped me make smart decisions - at least in a store. It's also helped me to keep smiling and listening at work/school. Doing so may influence others to smile and to listen - or at least to feel better around me smiling at and/or listening to them. It's even helped me drive better - especially when someone around me isn't driving their best. I don't let them influence me to drive like a maniac or get in their space.

Knowing that I was choosing this book to hopefully influence me in a positive way, I did one of the things the author suggested. I tried doing nothing - for five to ten to fifteen minutes. Although I got better at it when school was shut down, this is still difficult for me and takes a lot of practice. She asked, "What did you realize about yourself?" I sat in my backyard on a bench, and after just about five minutes, I realized... I like to help things grow. I can totally use this information in my job, in my online space, and at home. I decided to try again -what's five minutes, right? This time around, I realized that I learn WAY more from my mistakes at 50 years old than I did when I was a teen or pre-teen. It got me thinking... can some of our students not be able to learn from their mistakes yet? Even writing about this, I feel the urge to do nothing again - tonight.

A little irony... I broke my own Twitter time boundary and tweeted these two realizations (under the tweet that I was reading this book). I shared them online because I thought they might influence another person to try this on their own. I'm also writing this post for me (I keep my book reviews like this on my blog) and sharing it via Twitter. If it can help one person try one thing that positively influences their life, I think it's worth it, and it aligns with why I got on Twitter in the first place.

After I read any self-help book of any sort, I try to put one thing into practice. I used to try to put them ALL into practice, but I've realized it doesn't work for me. My one thing from this book will be to try to do nothing for at least five minutes each day - when I feel the pull of my phone. This aligns well with the lessons I (thought I) learned during pandemic teaching. It also aligns with my #OneWord I've chosen a couple of years in a row now - PRESENT.

Although this wasn't my favorite book (3/5 stars), it was free, it helped me get the dishes done, and I took away some good reminders.

Behavior in the Classroom

I got to go to a PD session that I enjoyed - and I also got some ideas to take back!

Practical Strategies for Improving the Behavior of Attention-Seeking, Manipulative and Challenging Students (Grades 1-12)

It was put out by BER (Bureau of Education and Research), and provided by Cindy Jones, who will be retiring very soon. I pre-judged her, as she shared her age as 75, and I thought that there was no way she had been with students since pandemic teaching. I was wrong to pre-judge, of course. She had a wealth of experience, and she's worked with children in terrible situations - for them and for her. After listening to many of her stories, I realized that I had it good in comparison. Throughout the day, she shared reasons WHY children may be acting up. I won't put all those reasons here - they're good to know, for sure. For this blog post, I want to document the actions we can use to help with these behaviors. Cindy put on a "workshop" - she told us to shop for ideas we'd like to take back for us or for our peers - there was no need to use it all. Some things she talked about that I won't include are building relationships, rewards, and contracts.

Two types of students who attract our attention for myriad reasons:

Golden Retrievers

     No matter how much attention they get, it's not enough. Praise publicly, correct privately. Give them attention up front, asking about the puppy or the football game. Move close to them as you're teaching. Drop their name during the lesson. Distract them ("___, what are the instructions?"). Ask them for a favor. Clarify desired behavior ("When you finish your work, you may..."). Give affirmations.

     Consider using Compliment Cards. Have these pre-made, so they're easy to find and hand out. Students can make their own as well, should you have a box of them for them to use.

Wolverines

     These children want control at all times. They are often oppositional and disrespectful. Praise and correct privately (or use non-verbal gestures). They're testing you. Give two choices ("Would you like for me to help you get started, or would you like to get started on your own?" "Would you like to do this now or after school?"). Use Teflon Responses. Use distraction. Change the subject. Dodge irrelevant issues ("We're not talking about that.  We're talking about...." in a calm tone). Use empathetic statements. Don't take it personally and get furious - instead get curious. Discuss misbehavior later. Acknowledge that you can't make them do things and you hope they make good choices. If they do damage, have them make restitution. When they argue or refuse, say, "You do or you don't. I hope you make a good choice."

Some ideas we can use:

Beginning of the Year Relationship Agreement

     Create one chart for each class, or combine the charts into one with student consensus/buy-in. Have four quadrants: student to student (no drama, positive vibes, one up to it, kind words and actions, help each other, share), student to teacher (pay attention, kind words and actions, be responsible, smile, follow directions, put forth effort), teacher to student (listen, be patient, give warnings, provide affirmations), and student to classroom (pick up after yourself, care for supplies, hands off others and their items, follow seating expectations). On Fridays or Mondays, go over how everyone did and how we could all improve. Choose one thing to improve upon. (I used to do this as a plus/delta chart - I've gone away from it for various reasons.)

Affirmations

     Some of these I thought were a bit below my grade level (7th grade), and some of them made me laugh, no less. Cindy shared different kinds of body movements + catch phrases we can provide for students who are doing well. "You are worthy" + stretching arms up and then moving them down as if bowing to the student. "Do, do, do, do, you did a good job" + disco fever dancing like John Travolta. "Go (name)" + washing machine action. Then there are small ones - the "microwave" is a teeny wave with your pinky finger. The "flea clap" is your thumb and pointer finger clapping (like the number 20 in sign language). I also liked the silent cheer - like clapping for a Deaf audience - hands up, open, and shaking. A peer of ours shared the Confetti Cannon extension on Chrome, too. She said we'll probably get pushback at first, but then students will start asking for affirmations.

Brain Breaks

     Cindy gave us many ideas for brain breaks, and I was reminded that kids need breaks to feel more connected (to each other and to their teacher) and to shift their mindset (and their feelings about the class, or the teacher, or stressors). Ideas to use: look for hidden objects in a picture, visual puzzles, thumbs up/down/sideways for trivia questions, word or math puzzles, pen flips, draw in the air to answer a question, stand up if a statement is true, take six steps with your partner to share an idea, "would you rather" questions with a partner, question of the day, "have you ever" questions ("I have!"), "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean", etc. I've got a book of them that I haven't used yet this year. It's okay to take two minutes for this. She knows that kids can be derailed by this, but says it takes about a week and a half for them to get in the groove and keep it to two minutes. My 12 year olds need state changes after 12 minutes, maximum. "Give me a thumbs up if you can..." repeat the last sentence I said... tell me one thing you just learned...

Cue/Signal Cards

     Create small (business-card sized) cards with cues you feel you need to give often. They may say things like, "Please get started on your work," "Please consider if what you want to share is good for our class," "Eyes on your work," and include good things too, such as, "You're doing great today," and "I'm proud of you," and you can use them to relocate students "Please take your book and move to ..." Cindy had a poster of Alaska in one end of the room - for kids to "chill out" and work independently. She had another poster of Hawaii - for kids to go on a little vacation. They can't live there, as it's very expensive. They could go there to draw or fidget or breathe. 

Empathetic Statements

     Note: If these are overused, you're probably not really listening. They'll catch on and know you're not really empathetic. Stay out of judgement, and recognize the emotion. 

          I am so sorry to hear that.

          That must be really difficult.

          I was worried about you.

          It sounds like you're angry / sad / upset.

          I am here for you and ready to listen.

          I know what it's like. You're not alone.

          I don't know what to day. I'm just glad you told me.

          How can I help you?

Music

     Use low-volume spa or classical music or nature sounds during quiet work (or Yanni, Jim Brickman, Kenny G...). Use something like "Conga" when students are up and moving around for an activity. One quote she kept saying, "The more you yak, the worse they act."

Pivot Praise

     The person near the person misbehaving... "Sarah, thanks for getting your work out. John, thank you for sitting so quietly and waiting patiently."

Regulate Ourselves

     Before we learn, we need to be regulated. Breathing ideas: Headspace app, smell the rose, blow out a handful of candles, figure eight, hand breathing, 

Teflon Responses

    Don't get into a power struggle - you'll lose. Cindy said that being in a power struggle is like wrestling with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig enjoys it. Instead, use Teflon Responses... These should be said with a neutral voice and a neutral face. If you can, after you say it, walk away / move along. Some responses I liked: 

          Hmm...

          I see.

          I argue at 3:15. Come back then.

          I will ponder that point later.

          I'll be interested to see how that works out for you.

          I see things differently.

          I'm moving on now.

          And now it's time to...

          You've mistaken me for someone who wants to argue.

          You and I can talk about that later.

          I hope you make a good choice.

Transitional Warnings

     Let students know what's coming next. "In five minutes, we'll be returning to our seats."

Where am I wrong?

     In the hallway or without an audience is best. Let the student know... "The story I'm telling myself about why you are behaving this way or note doing your work is... Where am I getting it wrong?"

Wrong - Right - Praise

    Tell the student what they're doing wrong, what you want them to do, and praise for any compliance. Ex: You're talking to a peer. Please read your book independently now. Thank you.

This past week:

I tried the Teflon Responses the most. I also used the "Wrong-Right-Praise" twice. I was able to move on to the next thing I had to do without more resistance. However, it made me feel like a robot. I know my face looks much better when I smile, and I felt as if I was being a cold non-feeling robot when I put on my Teflon/neutral face. It doesn't feel like me. It's no fun. I'll keep using bits and pieces from what I've learned, and it's going to be a work in progress.

A Few Memories from the Past Week

A glance into my school week...

Not-so-fun stuff:

Students started taking notes on Tuesday - reading articles (already curated for them), and copying and pasting evidence into a document (already made for them). We spent about 80 minutes total over the four days finding, copying, and pasting evidence. I walked around helping students the entire time. Some finished by Friday. Three (out of 62) have NOTHING copied and pasted. It'll be impossible for them to choose the best evidence to write about on Monday. This will also affect their writing partners.

I heard these words this week (when I wasn't supposed to, I'm sure) spoken by 7th graders: bullshit, pervert, pedophile, damn

Three students of mine in one class like to yell, "Bunti!" and I still don't know what it means, but it doesn't sound like a good thing the way they say it in class.

As soon as one of my classes has any unstructured time (ex: the four-minute passing period), I have to keep an eye on at least five students. I only have unidirectional sight.

More horseplay = "think-about-it" reflection and notes home.

The students think I should us GoGuardian - instead of the responsibility being on them to not go on their games on the Chromebook.

One student was talking about another, and said, "This morning he said the moon landing was fake and they gave the astronauts hallucinogens."

I used a pliers (I keep in my drawer) to get a fishing lure out of the carpeting. At least the student could get the other end off his hoodie tie, and I'm glad I had a pliers.

Was in a very awkward meeting this week. Glad I'm learning to listen better, and I'm glad I wasn't asked to share.

Got another letter from a parent wanting to know the books for our next book club and who chooses them and where they're from and what they're about... This parent can opt out, but doesn't want me to talk to the child about it.

Had a student (I have a good relationship with) ask when we're going to do another read aloud, and I shared that we might not. The book I've used before (short, fast chapters, done in eight days) has been well-received by students but may not be well-received by a parent. I don't know any that are that engaging that I can read in that amount of time.

Lots of talk about the current society's impact on our classrooms.

Spent some moments wondering if I could teach sign language instead of ELA for my last 5.5 years.

Good stuff:

I shared a student-created podcast and they hosted a Q & A session afterwards.

Wrote to parents about what we're doing in ELA this month and got a couple of nice responses. I also wrote good notes home to parents and got a couple of nice responses.

Overheard a student say, "The worst pet would be an elephant."

We were able to try a new platform (to us) for our article of the week.

We were playing "Heardle" in homeroom, and the student at the computer typed in "Chineato Connor" when me and my co-worker recognized the song "Nothing Compares 2 U." (Last week, the student typed in "you too" for the group U2.)

At the end of a rough class Friday, many of my sweet students said, "Thank you" and "Have a good weekend, Mrs. Kirr" on their way out. We made eye contact and smiled at each other.

Laughed a lot with coworkers a couple of times.

I was gifted these drawings of me (smiling, I think):

Good stuff at home:

Bob made homemade chocolate chip cookies.

I went to bed at 7:47pm Friday.

My home is a refuge.

My house is quiet.

I am loved.

Best Books of 2022

My list is not extensive by any means, but I need to share out my favorites from 2021 like I have the past seven years. Maybe these aren't my favorites, actually... maybe they're books I believe other people could benefit from if they read them. I read a bit for myself, along with many books I thought my 7th graders would enjoy or books they recommended for me.

     2021 Favorites

     2020 Favorites

     2019 Favorites
     2018 Favorites
     2017 Favorites
     2016 Favorites
     2015 Favorites
     2014 Favorites

Here are the books I would most recommend from my list of 109 books I've read this year... I tried to whittle it down to one or two per genre, but I read some genres more than others! I'm not going to describe them for you - you can check out the complete list with my thoughts for this year here. Another note: One of my goals this year was to read more adult books. Young adult and books geared toward seventh graders just aren't holding my attention like they used to.

Biography / Autobiography / Memoir
     Adult - Yeonmi Park's In Order To Live

and Tara Westover's Educated

Both of these were eye-opening and educational for me.

Fantasy

Adult - Matt Haig's The Midnight Library helped me let go of regret.

Middle School - Corey Ann Haydu's Eventown I'd bet would help a child get past a traumatic event.

Graphic Novel

Middle School - Misty Wilson's Play Like a Girl is perfect for 7th graders!

Historical Fiction

Adult - Dolan Perkins-Valdez's Take My Hand was needed for me when Roe vs. Wade was overturned.

HS/Adult - Betty Smith's A Tree Grows in Brooklyn surprised me with the way it was written - I wanted to re-read so many sections. Good message for young people, too.

Middle School - Silas House and Neela Vaswani's Same Sun Here is one of those alternating narrator books that capture your heart.

How To / Self Help

B.J. Fogg's Tiny Habits was like Atomic Habits, except you connect a habit to other habits you've already formed... Easy to implement!

Tania Israel's - Beyond Your Bubble: How to connect across the political divide helped me have a very important discussion with my parents. It led us to find some common ground!

Mystery

I'm not a huge mystery reader, but Jennifer Lynn Barnes's Inheritance Games was on our summer reading list for our middle school, and it did not disappoint! Many students went on to read the entire series.

Nonfiction

Adult - Chris Lockhart's Walking the Bowl: A True Story of Murder and Survival Among the Street Children of Lusaka was so rich and filled my soul. I listened to this one, and although very long, it was one of my favorites of the year.

Young Adult - The 57 Bus. After abandoning it a couple of years ago, I'm glad I tried this one again.

Poetry / Prose / Novel in Verse

Middle School - Megan Freeman's Alone held a large lesson for me.

Rebekah Lowell's The Road to After helped me heal further from my divorce 11 years ago, even though it was geared towards a young audience.

Professional

I only read two this year, and I needed one on helping me manage the classroom, so although I didn't care for the metaphors and the supposedly "funny" quips throughout, Tom Bennett's Running the Room: A Teacher's Guide to Behavior had some good messages I'm still clinging to this school year.

Realistic

This was my largest genre by far this year, so I'm picking a bunch...

Adult - Laurie Frankel's This Is How It Always Is taught me so much and helped me question more about what I thought I "knew" about gender.

Steven Rowley's The Guncle made me laugh so healthily!

Middle School - Michelle Kadarusman's Berani was so very tender.

Kevin Wignall's When We Were Lost was a great adventure.

Elizabeth Atkinson's I, Emma Freke was one I put off for so long and was much better than I thought it would be!

Romance

Adult - Emily Henry's Book Lovers is my favorite because of the witty banter.

Science Fiction

Adult - Max Brooks's Devolution was a surprise, and kept me reading!

Thriller

Middle School - Joseph Bruchach's Skeleton Man was scary!

I'm still on the lookout for books that stretch my thinking, are written by those with different experiences than me, and are written well. Please comment your favorites (from this year or all time) down below, so I can add more to my list! Cheers to more reading in 2023!

Change Can = Growth

Change that is put upon me... stinks.

At this point in my life, I'm learning to embrace the challenge of change.

Since March 13, 2020, I feel as if I've lived with constant change. It's probably been much longer than that - isn't it true that "the only thing constant is change"??  (Heraclitus?) I just haven't been as aware of it.

Somewhere between February of 2021 and now I've learned that I need to breathe through changes put upon me. I need to slow down. I need to listen better. My life goes smoother when I actually apply this learning and DO the breathing, the slowing down, and the listening.

I fell off my bike on August 27 of this year.  My tooth was chipped (I got it fixed). My face was hurt (the sinus bone was fractured in four places, and the nerve attached is still affected). My hands were hurt (one is fine, the other is as good as it's going to get). My pride was hurt. My pride being hurt has changed to humility. I've learned a lot from that simple little fall.

When I look in the mirror and realize that my face looks normal, I'm surprised, and I'm reminded - again - that so many people hide (consciously or not) so much of what's happening or what's happened in their lives. We can't see all that people are going through. I wonder this about my students. What's behind their smiles? What are they going through that only they or their families know?

I've learned that I don't need to tell everyone about everything happening in my life. I've learned that it doesn't help me to complain about what hurts or what bothers me. I've learned that the latest fall (I've had a few that I've totally recovered from when I was younger) is part of the tapestry of my life. It's a jagged stitch that I can't fix. It's part of my story, should someone want to know it. It's helped me in ways, and I'm glad. 

It's helped me to slow down. Physically, I've been nervous about falling - anywhere - at any time. I fell on such an easy stretch on my bike - with no distractions - so I am now aware I can fall anywhere at any time. I'm much more conscious of where and how I walk. I don't jog anywhere anymore. I watch where - and how - I walk. I'm never on my phone while I'm walking. I hold rails when I'm on the stairs. I move over when there are too many people or it doesn't feel totally safe.

At first, I felt old doing these things. Being so cautious. I questioned whether I was "too cautious."

Now I know that it's okay. I'm 49 for one more month. I am getting older. I am realizing that it's okay to not go fast all the time. It's okay to take my time. It's actually beneficial for me to take my time. I'm not in any hurry to get older, nor am I in any hurry to hurt myself again, or hurt myself further.

This change in me has helped me realize I truly only need to do ONE thing at a time. 

I'm so thankful I can learn from my challenges. 

I wish this for my students. I wish this for my family and friends. I wish this for YOU.

And I hope I can continue to learn from challenges that come my way.

By the way... wear your helmet (I was and I do), and put on those biking gloves (next time).

In Time...

I chatted with Jen Vincent a week or two ago - about writing.

And it turns out... I haven't written lately. She asked why, and I shared that nothing I want to write is positive these days, and I like to put out positive posts, as I don't want my "legacy" or people's perception of me to be negative.

She gave me an idea.

Write what happened. Write about how you felt in that moment. Wait a bit. Write later - sharing what you feel now about that incident/event/whatever it was you wrote about. In addition, write about what you learned. Because isn't that what life is made of? Our ups, downs, in-betweens... They're what make us US. So I thought I'd try it today...

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I shared this tweet after a dinner with my parents:

It included a link to a post I wrote about why I'm staying in education for awhile longer.

No one commented on the post. I don't know if anyone read it. I know, that in a tweet of 280 characters, no one can share the entire story. So I didn't. And I didn't feel a need to. I just wanted to share that suddenly my mom doesn't have faith in the public education system. And her daughter's an educator in her 28th year. How did I feel when I tweeted it out? Sad. Disappointed in today's "news" that has parents up in arms. Sad that they believe all the stories they hear - that are just not true. Sad they won't do the research and ask at the schools about the rumors. Just... sad for teachers around the nation.

I saw replies when I looked at Twitter again the next morning.

Here's a sampling of the ones I didn't block right away:

How did I feel that morning?

Angry. Mad that if I was smart, I couldn't respond to any of them, because I've learned in the past that that's what they want. Flustered. Confused. I looked at my bio and through my timeline like they wanted me to. Were they all upset because I have my PRONOUNS in my BIO? I felt confused that THAT was what upset them and made them think I should be "terminated" - one even said I should've been aborted.  ABORTED. (That's one I blocked right away.) Sick. Yes, I felt sick. I did NOT want to teach "their" children that morning. I did NOT want to be nice and give grace to any students. I wanted all of them to homeschool their own children, because I thought their children must also be rude, disrespectful, and okay with hiding behind aliases in order to be mean. I stopped the comments on that thread. I was also kind of... afraid. I was glad, however, that I don't really have location information in my Twitter bio.

How did I feel once I got to school?

Still sick about it. Then a peer stopped me and said, "Your parents must watch _____." Yup. He added, "They're obsessed with sexuality," and he laughed. So I thought about it as I got ready for the day ahead.

How did I feel once students showed up?

I was chuckling. If I spent my day talking about sexuality, we'd get NOTHING done. I thought of all the teachers I work with. I've not told anyone at school (teachers or students) my pronouns - because I'm still "old school." I don't feel I need to, as I wear skirts, I'm married to a man, and I think I put out that "I'm a female" vibe somehow. I don't have one student (this year) who wants me to refer to them as a specific pronoun. I never once, the entire day, talked about gender or sexuality - with anyone. What DID I talk about? Taking out our notebooks, being quiet while reading choice books, correct grammar in writing so your story could be read and understood by others, keeping hands (and feet, and heads) to ourselves, using evidence to support your claim, looking through the text, football, hockey, how I'm thankful for their hard work... The normal stuff teachers talk about. The normal stuff teachers have been talking about for years.

That was October 10 when I got the vitriol and harassment. 

How do I feel now, on October 23?

Still kind of defeated. Still sick about how educators aren't trusted by so many - and sad rumors are still going around about what is taught in schools. Sad that parents can't ask their own kids about what's going on. Sad about what the kids in front of me might be being taught just by being around adults at home who think I'm evil because I have pronouns in my Twitter bio. I'm not even sure if I have them in my work email signature, as it's really not something I'm concerned about. I feel... tired. Exhausted. From trying to convince people like my parents that I'm a good teacher, and there are very many good teachers. I never had to try to convince others before. I'm feeling... disrespected. Sad that those anonymous people want me to feel this way - and leave the teaching profession.

What have I learned?

• I've learned that many people don't know what's going on in their children's classrooms. I've learned that bullies online hide behind masks and aliases. (Garth Vader wanted me to be "brave" and let people comment again - and yet... it was Garth Vader saying this.)
• If I don't want trolling bullies behind aliases telling me I should be terminated, I shouldn't "rock the boat." I don't like confrontation. I thought I was simply sharing a story with my own network. What some might call an "echo chamber" is what I was looking for right then. I wanted some to say they felt the same - that I wasn't alone. And a couple of them did. Yet... I don't feel it was worth the angst.
• I've learned to be blunt with some people. There is a parent this year who thinks that at least one of the book club choices I provided to students had sex in it. At conferences, I let her know that no - none of the books on that list have sex in them. I let her know I've read them all, and I encouraged her to read the one we both chose together for her daughter WITH her daughter.
• I've learned I can't spend my time thinking about what other people think. What good does that do me? I will go for walks outside, keep reading diverse literature to learn about others who have gone through different experiences than I have, to make more bookmarks for my students (it's a soothing balm for me!), and to keep being a role model - kind, caring, and supportive to ALL children.
• I've learned to give it time... In time, I will feel less angry, less reactive, and I will have learned once again. Life is not without troubles. In my own life, this was a drop in the bucket. It was a bump in my road that helped me learn.
• I have a lot of wishes... namely that people focus more on what actually harms children... Lots and lots of wishes, and only one vote.

Give it time. 

Try your best. 

Be the person you want to be.

Small Wins Are Bigger These Days

I feel things more (stronger?) these days. Hot is hotter, ice is more painful, contentment stays with me longer. I'm feeling all the feels from this first week back at school. Today I'm at peace, so I'm going to take a few moments and share a few small wins from three days with students...

I've got a few self-proclaimed readers. One, after checking out a book from our classroom library, just keeps reading (even as I'm giving directions). As I nudge him to close his book, he says, "This is going to happen a lot. My teachers are always taking my book away." This is a good problem for me to have. (Even if it's not so great for the other teachers on the team.)

At least TEN students checked out books from our classroom library so far.

We found out that our homeroom students speak eight other languages: Romanian, Polish, Hindi, Greek, Spanish, Assyrian, Lebanese, and Arabic.

One class was 10 minutes longer than my longest (I had a 30-min class, a 60-min, and a 50-min class), so I took them out for a walk around the building. One student walked with me the entire way, and we took turns asking each other questions and sharing stories. 

As I was going over classroom expectations (which I'd stopped doing for a number of years and now I'm back doing - because it's needed), one student was upset that I'd put the cushions away if they weren't used properly. Another replied, "No, it's okay, because it's a privilege, not a right." <<Insert hug here!>>

Five students shared their quick writing with the class already. One started to share, then realized he couldn't read his own handwriting. He took it in stride and he may decide to improve it. (??)

Our school librarian had us check out books from the library on the third day of school!

I get to eat my 40-minute lunch with great colleagues.

My co-homeroom teacher greets kids at the door with me (and we have time to socialize!).

Yesterday, one of my classes found the bookmarks I've made for them. :D

I'm giving out intermittent rewards (T-Wolf tickets students can use as currency for a new school store), which the students and I are excited about!

This year, my co-planner and I decided to do what we saw a sixth-grade ELA teacher do - collect the sticky notes that students are supposed to bring in. I found this awesome big jar we've had at home for awhile. Now we have a place for them, and everyone will be able to use them!

When I did our first read-aloud (First-Chapter Friday - Ghost Boys was yesterday's pick), I thanked the students for listening so well, even though I hadn't gone over that expectation. One student said, "We know when to be quiet." I smiled (NOT through a mask - another win!) and replied, "I would think so, but it's difficult to get back into school mode after a summer off. Thank you for practicing this skill with us today." And I felt corny, and old, and totally okay with all of it.

I'm grateful for all the last two years has taught me. (I won't go so far to say I'm grateful for the challenges that have helped me learn these lessons, but I suppose that's really what it is, right??) I know there will be more tough lessons in the future, should I choose to see the challenges as a tool for learning. I always learn the best from my mistakes, rather than from someone just telling me how to do something. I hope these lessons stick with me for the next six years, and I hope this year is much better than the last two as a result. 

20 Reasons Why I'm Staying

...for another six years...

After the last two years of teaching being my most difficult so far (and I'm in Illinois - I can't imagine teachers in some other states!), I've noticed a lot of teachers announcing their resignations or retirements (due to so much I will not attempt to list here - if you're reading this, you most likely know the causes). I'm heading into year 28. I need to stay in teaching because there's really nothing else I can do at this point to receive this salary, and gosh darn it, I've worked hard to get here, and I believe I do a solid job of it. I have pushed myself to find - and list - some other reasons to stay in this profession for a few more years. I'm considering this a working document for myself.

I'm staying... because teachers DO work over the summer, and I've been preparing for this next school year, planning to make it better than the last (as usual).

I'm staying... so I have the funds to donate to those worse off than me, and to those causes I believe are worth it for the children I'm serving.

I'm staying... because I have no hidden agenda and I am confident I am NOT a "Marxist," "groomer," "indoctrinator," or "evil monster," so I need not be afraid of parents (mine and my students') who believe the picture some of the media and politicians paint about educators.

I'm staying... to be the person I want to be - one that tries to teach 12 year olds HOW to think, not WHAT to think.

I'm staying... to share some windows and mirrors through the pages of books.

I'm staying... to keep trying to prove to my students that what they have to say - and write - matters.

I'm staying... to role model how to slow down in order to work on word choice when communicating (esp. listening, speaking and writing).

I'm staying... to share with seventh graders what I'm learning alongside them - and from them.

I'm staying... because seventh graders never fail to make me laugh every day, and I hope I can help them smile each day, as well.

I'm staying... to keep trying to do what I believe is right for children, to try my hardest to be the role model and teacher I needed when I was their age, to show them that people care about them.

I'm staying... because I may be able to affect another teacher in a positive way that will affect their students for the rest of their time as a teacher.

I'm staying... because I feel some of my coworkers benefit from me being in their circle sometimes.

I'm staying... so I can stand up for children and educators who I feel are being mistreated, misrepresented, or misunderstood.

I'm staying... because there's always that one note from a child or a parent that boosts my optimism for another week or so - that one quick smile or laugh or piece of praise or gratitude that I latch onto because it makes me feel as if I'm doing SOMEthing right.

I'm staying... because this is one challenge I feel I can keep improving at. I know I'll never master how to teach, but I have always - and will continue to - plan on improving with each year.

I'm staying... because I still want to be part of the reason why I feel we have a fairly safe school. I want to be the one to make connections with children and help THEM make connections with each other - to help them to reach out to those who are isolated or shunned. And I have to say it - if I were to die at the hands of a former student from our school, at least I have no children of my own at home who would suffer.

I'm staying... because I've learned so much about how to care for my mental and physical health since the 2020-2021 school year, and last year I felt some success being able to leave most work AT work.

I'm staying... because my husband believes I still have so much to do, try, hear, experience... and because he knows I love my students.

I'm staying... because teaching used to be regarded as a very important profession to be in, and I want to make sure my next six years are valuable to the students in my care.

I'm staying... although I may have scars, the last two years didn't break me, and I feel better equipped to take on the next challenges.

2021-2022 Digital Scrapbook

Phew. Year 27 is finished. I hope the kids learned something.

So... this isn't really a list of the PD I've done this year... unless actually working is considered professional development (which it probably should be). There are some PD opportunities I took sprinkled in, but this is a shortened version of what I tried to accomplish this school year. I don't think I was as good of a teacher as I was last year. Last year, I was able to connect with more students individually (was it due to Zoom?), and I sent those kids postcards and letters of encouragement all year. Not this year.  

JULY

- Attended a one-hour session on Evolving Learner: Inquiry-Based Learning

SEPTEMBER

- I tried to keep students three-feet apart. 

- I tried to do attendance correctly. (I only got two emails about it all year!)

- I participated in every Equity Committee meeting at school for the second year in a row.

- I went back to going without points/marks (until the term ends) with my seventh graders.

- I practiced keeping work at work, so I can decompress and process the days at home.

OCTOBER
- I quit trying to keep students three feet apart. This group is handsy. Very handsy.

NOVEMBER
- I was invited to be a contributor to a Twitter EdCamp on #Ungrading - we used Twitter spaces for my first time.

FEBRUARY

- We went to "mask recommended" due to a lawsuit against IL schools. Bad behaviors increased, respect went down, and I considered retiring early once again.

- I presented virtually on Passion Projects / Genius Hour, and was able to attend one day of the IDEA Conference here in Schaumburg, IL.

MARCH

- I took a course through our district, provided by a teacher in the district. It was a book study of A Little Guide for Teachers: Teacher Wellbeing and Self-Care.

- I put hope to the side for a bit, and I learned to be (or try to be) resigned (instead of discouraged) to certain things that are out of my control.

- I began practicing breathing with my students - I logged into the HeadSpace site (which is free for educators). Some students appreciated it, and some made fun of it. At least it helped ME.

JUNE

- June 3rd - our last day of this school year. I survived, and I was fortunate to be able to keep my family safe. Again, I am learning from the scars. I was able to reach a couple of students in a couple of ways, and I practiced how to breathe between stimuli and my reaction. I read a ton of books (catch me on Goodreads), and I spent a ton of time with my husband.

The bits of love from the seventh graders keep me coming back...