White Culture / Norms

I finished Waking Up White by Debby Irving this summer. When reading about race, I try to read books or articles written by Black authors, but this book was on a list curated from a Black author.

I nodded with a lot of what she was saying, as I'd done or thought the same things. I wanted to write about something I'm going to delve into more, however. The author said there are dominant white culture behaviors that hold racial barriers in place...

• conflict avoidance
• valuing formal education over life experience
• right to comfort / entitlement
• sense of urgency
• competitiveness
• emotional restraint
• judgmental-ness
• either/or thinking
• belief in one right way
• defensiveness
• being status oriented

I embody all of these traits. They're holding back efforts to dismantle racism. It's up to me to consider HOW. It's up to me to consider when I uphold these cultural norms and how those instances may be stopping me (and others?) from keeping the conversations going.

Talking to a friend who is in the middle of her treatment for breast cancer, she doesn't want to ask for help. Isn't that another cultural norm? Yet communities that thrive have people helping each other all the time. When we get to help someone, we feel good. Most (?) people WANT to help. Is it due to the competitiveness listed above or the fact that we're taught we need to be independent that we choose to not ask for help? What about when it comes to issues of race? I want help doing better - I'm not going to ask a person of color because they're already doing the hard work. So what's my next step? Look to their books and the list of books they recommend! Also ask a white friend who's in this with me. Get her (yup - for me it'll be a woman) to recommend her own, and keep the conversations going. Learn together.

Of these traits, one reminds me of "don't rock the boat" or "don't stir the pot." Hubby and I both "upended the cart" when we decided to divorce our spouses (or now-many-years-exes). We were taught to NOT do that, however. Our white culture includes "conflict avoidance" and "emotional restraint." Yet if we did NOT divorce them, we'd be slowly killing ourselves - our hearts, at least. How can this cultural norm hurt progress for racial equality? Hah! That's an easy one! We don't like conflict! So it stops us from having the hard conversations. It stops us because our white culture says we have a "right to comfort / entitlement." This one is probably where so many of us fail time and again. I need to STIR. THAT. POT. I need to settle into my discomfort - especially when things come up in my classroom that should need to be addressed. 

One that the author shared more closely - being status oriented... "We are programmed to run on time. It's a construction that supports a society built upon industry, capitalism and wealth accumulation... It's not the only way. And it's not always the best way in every situation... Slowing down requires intent and effort." How does this apply to race? Instead of just going on with life when something goes wrong (because "it's not a convenient time" or "not with these other people in the room"), I'll stop and analyze it. I'll stop and reflect on what I said or did. I'll stop and have the conversation with someone who was there or someone I can trust to give me constructive feedback or help me reflect deeper. I'll try to keep the people in the room so we can start to make reparations. 

Looking at the rest of these... wow. Changing my thinking requires intent and effort. If you're interested, here's a Google Slides printout of these eleven cultural norms so we can have them handy.