Day 76 - Insecurities

Thursday, May 28, 2020

I'm not sure I did enough.

• I could've had Zoom classes each day.
• I could've recorded a book being read aloud and shared it with kids.
• I could've assigned a response to their reading each day.
• I could've pestered students and parents more for those who didn't seem to put in the effort.
• I could've put individual notes in each student's binder before I lugged them down to the gymnasium and put them in each child's big black bag.
• I could've made little gifts for each child.
• What did I miss?? OH, there was so much I did NOT do!

None of it felt like the "right" thing to do. I didn't want to do things I wouldn't have done in front of the kids during a class in a middle school ELA classroom. Some seemed impossible, such as calling or visiting each (85!) student. (As for visiting students, when I was a child I would NOT like for my teacher to see where I lived, and I, personally, would've thought it was weird or I would've been scared or embarrassed.)

What DID I do?

• I did hold office (half) hours online.
• I did return each child's binder (spending an hour and a half labeling each, lugging them down to the gym, finding each child's bag, opening them and then closing them once again).
• I did share many resources for students to access books.
• I did share writing contest opportunities.
• I did stick with plans for reading articles of the week each Friday.
• I did start genius hour (and many - ? - students finished).
• I did learn new tech tools and used them.
• I did read myriad articles and blog posts and resources to try to teach "better" during this time.
• I did provide feedback to every child, every assignment.
• I did share small video notes with most children.
• I did attend any event I could (reverse parades, locker clean out, cheering on 8th graders, helping out to hand out supplies).
• I did create birthday videos for children who had their birthdays during this time (and I plan on doing the same for those over the summer).
• I did (and will continue) share a one-minute "keep your chin up" reflection on Instagram each weekday morning.
• I did close my email each day by 4pm.
• I did write a post card to each child and sent them yesterday.
• I did create a video of photos of my students for each class to share with them during a class Zoom tomorrow (our last day) and then put on Schoology and our classroom website.

I'll never be able to do enough.

I'll always be working on how to be a better educator. I'll always be working on ways to speak out against racism and biases. I'll always be working on choosing my words more carefully. I'll always think I never did enough.

I think the important thing is that I do what I can, when I can.

I cannot be everything to everyone.

I cannot please everyone.

I cannot take care of myself AND improve every day.

I'm sorry I couldn't be my best today.
I'll try again tomorrow.